Remembering my father in law, Justin Heng

Mr Justin Eng (Heng) Kok Yoon

12 January 1939 - 10 July 2016

77 years old

In the early morning of 10 July 2016, at 4:30 am, my father-in-law, Justin Heng breathed his last. It was a gradual decline of health since the PSA reading went up in 2014.  In my 22 years of interacting with him as my father in law and how our lives are intertwined as one big family where he is the head of "The Hengs" household, I grew to respect and love him as a father figure. Here are my five fondest memories of him.  

1. His problem solving skills

My father in law is famous for his ingenious creativity to make something out of nothing or old parts. He could re-assembled some items into a new household items. He is the problem solvers for many household and work problems. For his children, they just need to describe what problems bother them, he would not say much or promise anything but he would proceed to come up with a solution in due time, always to surprise his loved ones and give them great delights. He is our very own inventor.

One time in the old house at Inanam, he had the balcony fence on first floor saw apart so that a piano could be lifted up from ground to where they stayed, he then joined back the balcony fence. Without this ingenious act, Michael, my husband will not be playing piano. According to Michael, it was his dad who allowed him to learn piano, his relatives were saying that music is meant for girls !

In his own house, there are many household items created by him which would cost a lot if we got contractors to do, he just did it himself. Sure, those items do not look very modern or designer look but they are perfectly functional. 

2. His kindness

He is a very kind person and take great care to make you feel comfortable and welcomed. During my confinement for my four kids, he would drop by and said "Hello" but he would not enter the house telling me that he has worked and sweat a lot and he just wanted to know if both me and baby were doing ok. He would clear up the garden so that there be less mosquitoes.

I could remember, right after our wedding, he said this to me, "Now that you are married into our family, how would you like us to call you ? How does your parents call you ?" I did not expect him to ask so I replied they called me "Tyng-Tyng". Next thing I knew, he called me "Tyng-Tyng" and I did not respond, finally I realised that he had been calling me and we had a good laugh. I told him that it probably worked best to just call me as "Doria". The fact that he bothered to ask me about my name showed his kindness in dealing with people. 

3. His Services

He has the personality temperaments of a Dove and Owl, he loves to serve others and a great thinker that made him a great problem solver. His services to people around him is a great mark of his personality. During his funeral, many people talked about his kindness and readiness to lead a hand to help others. His neighbour, Aunty Maureen, a widow came to the funeral parlour alone, driving and parking at the lower car park and walking up the long staircase with walking stick. She told me, "Whenever I need a helping hand to fix some items in my house when my son was too busy to help, Ah Heng would come when I called him to help. How could I not pay him my last respects?"

If any of his former colleagues called him for some technical backup or support, he would make himself available and be there in person to help. In return, he had a pool of resources for almost anything under the sun. He had contacts who could build wooden house, repair and rebuild cars and many more. To us, he is like a walking "Yellow Pages" for technical stuff and resources.

4. His Favorite Dishes & health conscious

In every family celebrations, two dishes must be present on the dining table - the Fish (steamed or Sweet and sour) and the Fried Chicken. It is interesting that as a Hainanese, he did not like the boiled Chicken which is so famous as Hainanese Chicken. So, in every family celebration, there would be two types of chicken or three :- Boiled Chicken, Fried Chicken and or Curry Chicken. He loves Fish head and he could handle the fish heads like a pro, gently sucking out the fleshy parts of the fish head. His sister, Mei-Fung Mai and wife would ensure that there be his favorite dishes during family celebrations. 

He has simple desire in life, just little things could make him content and happy. He was always reading health articles in newspapers and magazines, making enlargement prints and sticking them to fridge so that all who preparing food could read. Once, he read how to make fishes less fishy using lime or lemon and he meticulously did it for many times to teach his sister and wife how to clean a fish before steam. He was making garlic cloves socked in Gin and Red wine and eating them for health. 

I believe part of the reason he could have 10 years of quality life after diagnosed with Prostate cancer Stage 2 / 3 was due to his diligent health routines on daily basis He would get up early in the morning, walked his 10,000 steps to Foh Sang area to get his newspapers, had oatmeal for breakfast and the many home-made health remedies like garlic and supplements, 

5. His love for fun

Although a quiet figure and the most senior person in the family, he has his fun side and gamed enough for most things. One year, the children proposed to have a draw before Christmas on name whom we would buy Christmas present. He was the only one who took it up so seriously, he drew his eldest son, John, he observed his needs for new tyres for his car, so he bought him a pair as Christmas present. While the rest of us just bought the normal household items and chocolate for one another.

When our family visited Disney Land Hong Kong, he thoroughly enjoyed the whole day with the grandkids, partaking in some theme parks rides (Its a small small world). During the final six months of his life, his mind sometimes crossed-line and he would relived those holidays moments, asking us "Where is our hotel room?" or "Are we going straight to airport after the Sunday breakfast?" It grieved us that he was slowly losing his mind with some crossed-line conversations from the past but it gave us comfort to know that he talked about those travelling moments and it must have gave him a lot of joy to recall them as pleasant memories.

Rest in peace, dad, you are dearly missed and loved. We will cherish you in our heart. We will carry on your legacy as kind, faithful and resourceful people to help others around us.

Written by Doria, your daughter-in-law

Inside Our Dreams

Where do people go to when they die?
Somewhere down below or in the sky?
'I can't be sure,' said Grandad, 'but it seems
They simply set up home inside our dreams.'

~ Jeanne Willis

Where do they go to?

Where do they go to, the people who leave?
Are they around us, in the cool evening breeze?
Do they still hear us, and watch us each day?
I'd like you to think of them with us that way.

Where do they go to, when no longer here?
I think that they stay with us, calming our fear
Loving us always, holding our hands
Walking beside us, on grass or on sand.

Where do they go to, well it's my belief
They watch us and help us to cope with our grief
They comfort and stay with us, through each of our days
Guiding us always through life's mortal maze.

~ Kerf - 21st August 2007