Chinese New Year 2015

My thoughts on this year, the Lunar year of Goat, is a hope for redeeming grace to be abound in our lives. This sounds a bit like deep philosophy but after what we went through in 2014, the year of Horse, which was supposed to be my Zodiac Year (golden horse, mind you), well, sad to say it did not end well last year. I and  many others are still haunted by the tragic endings of not one, not two but three planes affliliated with Malaysia. That is enough bad news to keep us miserable for a life time !

There is a shadow of doubt within us, a dark shade in our mind, a fear in our heart, that this is just the beginning of the end for worse to come. Grieving takes time to heal and it takes moments to rebuild, to gather up strength to carry out.

Last year, with great anticipation, we welcomed into this world a beautiful baby girl into our home group couple, dear friends of ours, little did we expect that she would only live 15 days on earth, in those 15 days gave her parents much anxiety and worries, it was a big blow to our faith and belief. That God will allow suffering to little babies like Grace.

How does one come to terms with the after myth of all these tragic losses, how does one heart search for peace that supposed to surpass the grief, how to build a life with a bridge that runs over troubled water and not be affected, how to have peace that is everlasting and man cannot understand ? How Lord ?

A Poem with Riddles Rings

I have within me,

within my four thick walls,

the complete cycle of emotions :

Love, joy, sorrow,

Anticipation, relief, surprise,

Pain, suffering, despair,

Have you ever wondered ?

Sunrise and sunset,

Monsoons and draught,

Seasons come and seasons go,

But the complete cycle of emotions

is still making the vicious cycle.

All within my walls.

Have you ever wondered ?

Love precedes surprise,

Surprise begets sorrow,

sorrow births forth joy.

Its a pride to behold !

Anticipation precedes joy or sorrow,

No one really knows until the card says so.

Its a surprise that you don’t like.

Its a torment, I know!

Suffering precedes relief,

relief begets trust,

Trust births forth joy.

Its a great delight!

Sorrow precedes pain

pain begets despair

despair finally die !

Its such a sympathy sight !

I have seen them all,

They all happen within me.

Come to visit me often,

Come to bring joy and hope while you can,

Your presence here means a lot to all of us.

To those who work here, they are happy with your care.

To those who stay here, they are blessed with your cheer.

For a day might come, sooner than you know,

You will be here with me,

then you will see the cycle of emotions

turning round and  round

while you at the waiting end.

Have you ever wondered ?

********************************************

So take a guess, what has just been described here ? 

An emotion, A place, A person ?

Poem in Riddles

I am all binary and code,

Boring as can be,

But languages have been written,

Especially for me !

Though I can only understand  0 and 1,

I speak any language as you want.

I come in all sorts of colours,

shapes, sizes and weights,

even gender specific !

I am available over internet

or you could walk into Hypermarket

to select through the aisles of display :

Just me and my friends and

the colourful trendy dressy accessories!

People who uses me are from all walks of life !

Engineers, professors, professionals, all the clever lots;

Teenagers, Elderies, toddlers, this I kid you not.

Some for serious, some for fun,

Some for good, many for evil,

Some making money out of me !

I am the heartbeat behind Governments and Corporations

At the press of keystroke, at the sound of a click,

A decision is made.

Some decision is good, Some to destroy !

I usually get to be blamed.

I am the brain behind many works,

For they use me more than writing on papers:

Ideas, thoughts, pictures and mind maps.

I can remember them all.

I am progressive, dynamic and changing,

Today you see me, tomorrow I could be gone.

So try to cherish me and use me for the good.

I am here to serve you till your works is done !

**************************************************

Take a guess what am I ?

Written August 2010

How to deal with Toxic personality

Toxic personality is present in every day's living. Whether we like it or not, they are here to stay. What exactly is toxic personality and what do they do that makes them be graded as toxic ? Well, for one thing, they contribute to the negative emotions of any circumstances, watch as they surface, because it is not just in bad moments that they will say something negative, they are capable to turn a pleasant moments into doubtful and tearful emotions too. 

The key factor is the domineering personality, not loudly but forcefully through behaviors and statements they make about life standards. Often, they will glorify in details how others have fallen short of the standards implying that they have maintained the high standards. They create doubts in the listeners that they also are not good enough. The statements are harmless on their own but it has an under-tune shadow meaning if you listen in carefully. The person is saying one thing but implying another. If you are not alert, you will miss the points. 

"I expect higher standard than this." - This is not good enough.
"Anybody can do this." - This is the job for idiot.
"You all wouldn't be able to sleep after this audit." - You guys get ready for hell.
"I believe whoever still uses this XYZ belongs to the dinosaur age." - You are so obsolete that I could delete you from the face of the earth.
"I believe this is all the faults of Ms ABC." - I blame you for every faults we are about to hear.

They have the capability to reverse work ethics and in a moment, they could wrong the rights and right their own wrongs. They could explain themselves out that what they have been doing as wrong is  now the gospel truths while those who have been doing right is wrong all these while. How does that reverse ethics come to be ? Shocking and really shocking ! 

They could make lone-task worker look greater than the team work, shame on the team, one entire team just got wiped out by one lone worker. They imply that the whole team is just  not good enough. This is like reverse synergy in actions. They agonise over how badly the team performance is over their lone-ranger achievement.  They basically want to frame that we are wrong and to be blamed.

When the negative emotions set in to the listeners, it will make them feel bad, rotten, guilty and angry. Often, they are caught off-guarded, they are not prepared for these tactics especially in meeting with other peers and bosses. 

In the course of my 25 years career and working in volunteer works for 10 years, I have met many such toxic personality. In fact, they are my friends, colleagues, comrades. They could make those statements while sitting just next to me and informing everyone in the meeting that I am the culprit, the idiot and the guy in the Wrong while he or she is the Mr / Ms Right ! I have come home from those confrontational meetings, with a part of me died in the process, my personality has been crucified as a public disgrace to all to see, my ego and pride went down the drain. I have done both extremes of strong reactions - shout back with stronger words to defend myself and remaining silence like a lamb. 

I have found some reactions useful that keep my sanity and does not hurt my health that much. Needless to say, after each episode of character massacre, we die a little inside, we are hurt, injured and need time to heal. It is probably impossible to have complete healing but healing is a journey and remember whatever that does not kill us will just make us stronger ! Here are some of my life-saving tactics each time I meet a toxic personality.

Give that personality a name. Name that which hurts you and it helps to explain why you are so exhausted after just a meeting of hearing them out. I often call these toxic personality a name - Energy Sucker. That is who they are and what they do. I could go into a meeting with high hopes of doing something great for the project, I came out depleted of all hope, feeling sorry for the project, my ego crashed. You could call them differently, the Yang Energy, the Sadist etc. 

Choose ears carefully before you speak. Chances are the Toxic personality would have poisoned every one's mind about your character and changed their minds about your seemingly overly helpfulness as motive before your own agenda. So, choose who you share with carefully. You do not need a lot of ears to listen to you, just choose the ones who could really listen, empathise and gives you good advise. Friends who stand by you no matter what others say of you. Friends who love you even when you are painted as unlovable. Run tho these friends and have a tearful sharing to voice out your grievances. 

Silence is golden. The best revenge for the toxic personality is to see them drink their own poison portions. There is no need to defend yourself before toxic personality. It is their great delight to see you having the need or urge to defend yourself. The defense will be seen as your lame excuses to cover your obvious wrongs. Say less rather than more. There is no need to provide an answer to the accusations they made of you. The truth is whichever stood the test in the long run is the winner. 

Ignore and move on. It will be great to say that we could forgive and forget. To forgive is such benevolent act of love. Well, you do not have to force yourself to do that. Ignore and move on is a good option. Work on your own life, improve yourself. After every toxic encounter, remind yourself to come out taller, stronger, firmer, better so that you could go higher and further ! 

Guard your heart from then on. Once the toxic personality has been identified by you and others, just guard your heart carefully, guard it so that it will not be hardened or hurt again. Remind yourself that you do not deserve to be treated so poorly, leave them alone and walk out as a free person. Stop lamenting your sorrowful stage, instead think of their sorrowful stage. 

Heart Matters

Today I learnt about Heart Matters, matters of the heart and heart that matters ! Confusing right ? Just before Valentine Day 2015, I get to put rights some wrong understanding of our heart. Heart matters are not for the weak, emotional group. It is vitally important to our well-being and how we live our day to day. In summary, this is what I have learnt about our heart.

Heart Over Mind - We have been raised to use our mind to rationalise our emotions. We were taught to let the mind to control our feelings. We thought the mind is the command center of our body and it gives out commands and all the body members align to those commands. Well, the command center is actually the  heart. From the heart, all things happen. That is where it starts.

Heart has emotions - The heart determines our emotions. Emotions are important indicators of our true beliefs. Our true colours or true self is often seen during the extreme trial in our life. The true colour will show forth.

Heart Thinks and intends - Our heart is the inner core of us being, the very essence of living. It feels and thinks and decides how we could react in defense or embrace. It is the very heartbeat of our thought life ! Every content of our thoughts come from the heart.

Heart has memory - when we get hurt emotionally, our heart is broken, our heart grieves and it remembers the hurt. In defending our lives from more hurt, our heart get harden in order to protect it from further hurt. When we keep a record of wrongs others done unto us, it is stored in the heart.  Therefore, we should guard our heart carefully. We should do heart detox to examine the conditions of our heart to prevent from further hurts. 

God looks at the Heart - Man looks at the outlooks while God looks at the heart. He is after those who have their hearts after Him. Outward appearance can be folly and we have seen amazing make-up that transform people! Looks can be deceiving. But what we are inside stays forever. At the end of life, at the end of a day, when all glamour gone, when there is no more music, what is at the core of our life, what is left is our heart conditions.

Heart purposes and decides  - The heart makes the decision. From the heart, we set our purpose, we decide and we act. Often, we think the mind is the one that decide but really it is the heart that first purpose and plot the actions to be taken. It set the course of our path. 

Heart could deceive us - Our heart could deceive us. A bad thought entertained by us, long time, it becomes a habit and possibly addiction. From the heart, we already committed offence. Being a moral beings will mean that the heart governs our moral orientation. The heart is the moral compass in our life.

God relates to us heart to heart. It is also heart matters to Him. He grieves in sorrow when we reject Him and choose our own paths. He could see the future suffering we will get ourselves. We get connected to God through our heart. As if our heart has a string and it is a tug between us and God, heart to heart via a heart string. 

Note :- About 543 words

When prayers not answered

Someone said, "After we have prayed, our job is done. It is no longer our responsibility no matter what is the outcome." Perhaps, we will have less strife if we think like this before the Lord. Alas, most of us will lament to God for His seemingly inactivity or turn-a-deaf-ear to our legitimate cries for His Kingdom and His will to be done in our lives and on this earth. What happened ? How could a loving God who sees His children obey and submit in prayers to Him, the very precious things that He is concerned and care about and  yet He seems to choose to let the evil side wins and not doing anything to vindicate His own name ? What happened to prayers not answered ?

Does it mean we pray wrongly or we did not pray within His will ? Does it mean we have sins in our lives, un-repented and un-confessed sins ? There are always questions and we will always ask.

Here is a look at some reasons why our prayers not answered.

It was a prayer with a selfish mindset. False humility, false sincerity. We could be sincerely wrong, just like terrorists who think they are fighting for justice. They are in the wrong. God will not honour such requests. Perhaps we are in sin and need repentance.

We do not comprehend the greater will of God for mankind and us. His ways are higher, His timing is reverse mathematics (a thousands year is a day, a day is a thousand years, and you do not quite know when He will reverse this mathematics). By not answering our prayers straightaway and by delaying answering prayers, He could be moulding, building and equipping us  up. He could be preparing us for a greater tasks ahead.

God's scale and timing of things are not the same as ours. Mankind are limited beings confined in the 3 dimension world moving in a fixed time. If God were to sign all our petitions before Him and simply granted them to us, He might just end up giving away His Glory ! Quoted from a speaker.

We were unavailable when God replied us. In a world of connectivity, we are always connected to social network, to our families chat groups, but yet God finds us unavailable ! We are simply too busy for God to move in our lives. WE could miss an answered prayer when we shut God off with our busyness (just like Martha did to Jesus).

We show no diligence to getting prayers answered. God does not help one who does not help himself. He will have no idle beggars at his door, asking for free food while He has granted them perfect health to work themselves into an answered prayers environment. Every often, this is true, it sounds like we trust 100% to God to do miracles for us, to change our life to better, to break a bad habit, to achieve a breakthrough, but very often, we are too lazy to start the change within us. We just sit and wait for God to drop a miracle to save us.

About 527 Words

What is prayer to me

Prayers is talking to God, telling Him all our daily chores and needs, boring and fresh ones, God gets to hear them all, all the time from us babbling them out at Him. Prayer is a little bit selfish as it is like lamenting to God what we do not like and wish for changes to happen and then we sit and wait for God to speak to us. Some times, we utter out thankful words of praise to Him especially during meal time. 

Now, we could even say our prayer to thank for the food using the camera to take photos of the food we about to part-take. Once, I made up this prayer of Grace which is the ritual of taking photos of food using camera prior to eating them, I called it the latest religious ritual :-

Thank you Lord for the food I about to part-take

Look at it Lord, isn't it cute on my camera.

May it be a prefect health for me after I eat it. Amen !

Picture first, eat later.

So pretty, don't eat first. Take picture for memory and comments on the
Food Blog that we have been thinking of starting (which never happen).

However, Prayer should be sincere and not like placing an order although at times, our list is so long, it looks like a shopping list. Prayer should be from the heart, things that bother or concern us at our core beings, some days, we get a prompting so strong, the only logical reason is to pray and wait for God's next instructions. 

We must align our prayers to the will of God. It is Him first and me second. He must increases and me decrease, that should be our attitude in prayers. We would not dare to demand that God to listen to way we suggest Him to answer. So learn to pray within the will of God. Seek first His kingdom and all these things will be given unto you. God is no man's debtor, He will honour our wishes.

We must expect Him to speak to us as we pray. Praying is like two ways traffic, there is uplink and downlink, just like the internet, one speed may be faster than the other. Perhaps, we are quick to send Arrows Prayers to heaven but slow to listen when He takes time to answer us ? Listening to Him is also part of prayer.

We have a responsibility to pray but we are not responsible over the results. This is an important perspective and understanding of prayers. Very often, we hold ourselves and God accountable for unanswered prayers. We try to think who is to be blamed. That responsibility belongs to God alone ! Our job is just to submit and pray and be the instrument of change ! Basically, our job to pray, God's job to decide the outcome. 

We trust a God who is omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotent. He knows all, He is everywhere, He is all powerful. Before we speak, He knows. But He choose to move with our engagement and involvements, to God, we are the world to Him. In delaying answering our prayers, God has His reasons and timing. We do not see the full picture. We do not know our actual destiny. He does. So in prayer, we learn to submit to His Lordship over our life; over the universe, and over our future destiny in heaven. 

About 576 words

Encountering God Moments

Do I have encountering-God moments in my life ? I am not sure. I may have special moments that I felt touched by God; I had his voices calling my childhood name (only known to my parents); circumstances beautifully orchestrated by the Almighty; promptings guided by the Holy Spirit but encountering God as a decisive moment that changed me ? I need to have a hard think on this. 

Growing up, God was a concept of holiness, perfect, all loving, all forgiving. The all-forgiving character of God was very important to me for I lived an angry life, fighting with my brother with real hatred and all-strength.

But certainly, God was an Answered-my-prayers God, yes, he has been, for my younger days. For most prayers anyway, the younger, the more naive, the innocent prayers of mine, they were, interestingly, all answered by God in miracles and unthinkable manners.But there were not answered immediately,some took a decade to realise. But I realised that God has been faithful and I have not been.

Something happened in the middle-age me, God seems to have stop answering my prayers (not all anyway) and I stop feeling close to God. Some called it the big fat rat race of the living, the life trap, the cycle of living, it has been a roller coaster ride of wild trips. I have been too absorbed into making a living, a self-made man (Woman), one that has too much pride and ego to ask for help. Too much of anything is certainly no good. A bit of pride, a bit of ego, a bit of self-made game plans. I always thought life should be prepared with Plan A, B, C and even D ! Just in case, there is always a second plan to make up for the losses in the first Plan. But, is this where God wants me to be ? Or am I experiencing the outcome of my own pride and failures ?

Have I lost my faith, bit by bit ? Have I forgotten how to ask in childlike faith ? Was I being selfish and having second motives in my prayer requests ? Perhaps, I have not been praying in the will of God ! That's it ! The nugget truth, the will of God, big word for small faith folks like me ! How about this one - His ways are higher than my ways (all my ways combined ?) His timing is also out of my infinite world of limitations. He is timeless and limitless, silence could  mean golden, a thousand years is like a day to Him. Oh dear, I do not have that long to wait ! 

Growing up, I often heard this explanation on prayers, God always answers all our prayers and His answers could be any of the three according to His omniscience wisdom. He always reply as :-

1) Yes - you can have it as you have prayed as it is my will too !

2) No - you cannot have it as it is not my will for you !

3) Wait - my timing and my will is to bless you, trust me, not this time, not yet !

O Lord, forgive me for missing your answers to my prayer requests, for ignoring your discipline, for overlooking your loving answers to my unanswered prayers. Amen.

Note :- About 561 Words.

  

I thought I heard Him calling my name

Hearing God is an important of Christian journey because it is the ultimate voice of God, from heaven, from the Creator and the Source of life ! Blessed are those who hear Him, is there such verse in the Bible ? Well, that is only partially true. 

At least, the first part of Luke 11:28 sounds like it, "Blessed are those who hear the word of God ...", hear the word here of course is referred to the Bible, His Word and Instructions to us. However, the word God utters in our life matters too, that is His voice, some say its audible, loud and clear; some say it comes in a dream, a clear voice in the background or God speaking in a dream; some just simply do not hear or dream about it. 

Nonetheless, Christians often shares about hearing the voice of God in their lives, guiding, helping and the very presence of help at times of difficulties. 

I never really thought about hearing voice of God until I heard a sharing on how God called him in the middle of the night while he lay on the top side of double-dicker bed by his family nickname, only known to his closest family members. I started thinking would I hear Him call my name ?

One day after a hectic day of conference and being heavily pregnant and my car was seemingly pushed by someone to the middle of the road, at the end of that day as I sat on the floor of my living room, folding clothes for my family of four, I was nearly in tears, telling God that I think he does not love me. Then, I heard it in my heart, "Ah Tyng, you still say I don't love you ?" A load of memories of God  has helped me flashed through my mind. I was touched and broke down with tears. 

In a moment, I was assured of His love; in a flash, His peace fills my inner core; In a twinkling of an eye, I was touched by Him. The most shocking part it was not only He called my childhood family nickname, only called by my closest ones. The most shocking part was that it was in my native tongue of Hakka. A language I used when I am talking to my inner self. God speaks my language ! Cool !

I was ecstatic after I realised what has happened that night. I was speechless for a while, failing to defend my utterly little faith. I was very touched and assured. 

God is Always Near Me
Hymn Lyrics

God is always near me,
Hearing what I say;
Knowing all my thoughts and deeds,
All my work and play.

God is always near me,
In the darkest night,
He can see me just the same
As by midday light.

God is always near me,
Though so young and small;
Not a look, or word, or thought,
But God knows it all.

Note :- Exactly 500 Words !

Drink deeply from the well

One morning, a friend's facebook posting had the above poster on his wall. I was amazed that this was a Bible verse and it caught my attention right away, the words "With Joy you will drink deeply", when is joy related to drinking deeply ? How does one drink deeply ?

After being in some diets programmes, I have learnt the importance of drinking water in order to cleanse the body system and successfully shed pounds off, it usually involves a lot of water like 5-6 liters a day. Hence, very often drinking water is not a joy to me. Drinking deeply remains me about forcing myself to drink (till I am sick of it). 

So I was very intringued by this verse, I would like to know what does drinking water means in the Scripture, why is joy related to drinking and how does drinking deeply look like ?

A google search into the Bible verse reviews that various versions of Isaiah 12:3 

New International Version

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

New Living Translation

With joy you will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation!

English Standard Version

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

New American Standard Bible 

Therefore you will joyously draw water From the springs of salvation.

King James Bible

Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

Holman Christian Standard Bible

You will joyfully draw water from the springs of salvation, 

International Standard Version

You will draw water joyfully from the wells of salvation. And you will say at that time: 

NET Bible

Joyfully you will draw water from the springs of deliverance. 

GOD'S WORD® Translation

With joy you will draw water from the springs of salvation.

Jubilee Bible 2000

Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of saving health.

King James 2000 Bible

Therefore with joy shall you draw water out of the wells of salvation.

American King James Version

Therefore with joy shall you draw water out of the wells of salvation.

American Standard Version

Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

Douay-Rheims Bible

You shall draw waters with joy out of the saviour's fountains: 

Darby Bible Translation

And with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

English Revised Version

Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

Webster's Bible Translation

Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

World English Bible

Therefore with joy you will draw water out of the wells of salvation.

Young's Literal Translation

And ye have drawn waters with joy Out of the fountains of salvation,

And one of my favourite version, The Message :

Joyfully you’ll pull up buckets of water from the wells of salvation.

"Water" is referred to as grace, which is compared to it, because it is softening, purifying, fructifying, cooling, and refreshing, and extinguishes thirst; and this is to be "drawn", it is to be come at, though the well in which it is be deep, and not in the reach of everyone; the bucket is faith that it is drawn with, and this is the gift of God; and it is in the exercise of this grace, which requires diligence, strength, and labour, that saints receive from Christ, and grace for grace; and this is exercised in the use of means, by prayer, reading of the Scriptures, and attendance on the word and ordinances, by which faith draws hard, and receives much, and, when it does, it is attended "with joy": salvation itself is received with joy, and so is the Saviour; as also a justifying righteousness, and pardoning grace, and likewise every supply of grace; which joy is of a spiritual kind, is in a way of believing, what a stranger intermeddles not with, and is unspeakable and full of glory.

This gives us an invitation to the well of salvation to draw deep in order to quench our thirst.

Dear Lord, I would like to come to your ever-flowing, ever-refreshing fountain, cause me to be able to draw from it and drink deeply, so deep that my life is overflown with your living water within me, that my life will reflect your glory. 

Note :- About 630 words

When you no longer matter anymore

When you no longer matter anymore

When you no longer matter to the people around you
would you still have friends who ask you out for tea
would you still have relatives who come and visit you
would you still be remembered by the ones you used to care
would you still be thanked over and over again

When you no longer has an influence in your sphere
would people still come to you for advise
would someone still seek you as their advocate
would they still come forward to defend you
would anyone bother to remember you

When you are leaving the current stage
would friends forget you as soon as you leave
would they still call you to ask how are you
would anyone care to do something special for your farewell
would you ever be invited back for future celebrations

When you have left for your dream
would friends still speak up for you
would they defend your honour and name
would someone think fondly of you
would anyone ever miss you a bit

When the final curtain is drawn on your life
Would friends come and sit at your wake
would they come to comfort your loved ones
would someone speak loving eulogy of you
would anyone care to say goodbye

The extent your life is remembered and celebrated in your absence will speak volumes of the impact of your presence while you are with them. So often, even with loved ones, at the office meetings, we are there physically but absent in mind and mental realm. We may nod our heads but the ears may not be open. We do not truly listen.

Life is full of uncertainty. One moment, we have it all figured out - our destiny, our purpose, our stage; the next moment it is all gone, it could be shattered dreams, promotions or moving away. You never quite know how long can you be at a place and time. It is almost taken that we cannot decide for ourselves all time. Sometimes, we are forced to move away. 

It is only at a time of uncertainty, the full test of your life, the faithfulness of your friendships, the fruits of your character will manifest itself, loud and clear ! There be no doubt about it who are your friends; who are with you or against you; who will flee your side the moment you are of no use to them; who will defend you in your absence; who love you till the end. So very tender but yet the absolute moment of truth. For everyone of us, the moment of truth may come anytime, any stage of our life, it may come few times as we move about, each time probably our friends circle will shrunk.

There is saying that encourage us to continue loving, even if we are hated by some. We should continue to laugh even if sadness may come anytime. We should continue to make friends even when our friends have fled us. We should continue to forgive even when they sin against us again and again. Keep doing good, keep loving, keep forgiving, then only we have truly lived. 

Note :- About 532 words

H.A.L.T Tips of Parenting

Parenting is hard because sometimes you will be appraised on the spot by your own kids. Out of no reason, they may scream and shout,refuse to cooperate, throw their tantrum, challenge your decision,c all your names and the list can go on. When this happens, it is wise to calm down and quickly assess the kids situation and ask yourself four basic questions and save your parenting dignity ! It comes in an acronym "HALT" to mean Hunger, Anxiety, Lonely and Tiredness.  

First, check if they are Hungry. A hungry man is an angry man. This saying holds true. Somehow hunger causes our kids to be frustrated and any hunger pang is exaggerated. In any outing or travelling, it is good to have some snacks ready especially when they are younger. The younger they are, this hunger issue is real. Just think of how babies cry when they are hungry! It is very often the cause of tears and screams. You will observe, generally, right after a good and happy meal, kids are more teachable, for a little while. So you could have just finished Dim-Sum and driving home, perhaps that is the best time to discuss the upcoming tuition timetable provided it does not provoke vomiting due to violent objections from the kids. 

If hunger is not an issue, take time to find out if they are Anxious about something. The things that a child is anxious about is totally real to them and it must be resolved. You could be on the way to tuition and the child is anxious about the tutor's expectations and how he could fail that subject. May be he is getting anxious of his pimples and losing his self-esteem. Driving is a golden time to discuss things and issues. Inside a moving car, it is the next best time to talk compared to the "Pillow-Talk" time. So seize the moment if your child opens up his anxiety to you. Do not disregard it as childish, Spend time to reassure them of your parental assessment and affirmation that it is okay no matter what. 

"Are you lonesome my dear ?" could be a question to ask our kids. In the midst of the classroom full of kids; on the dance floor of jumping kids; in a bus-load of youth outing; and yet for some reason, our child could feel Loneliness. Loneliness is not the absence of friends surrounding us. It is the lack of like-minded friends, buddies who understand, who will stand for us. Doing things alone takes the joy of the doing. Loneliness, sometimes  is a measure of their self-worth. Generally, poor self-image kids will feel loneliness more. They tend to isolated themselves away from other kids.

Lastly, know that when they are Tired, it is futile to discuss anything significant or life-changing topic. Typically, at the end of school day, at the close of the tuition class, when they come out of exam hall, the kids are worn out mentally and physically. If coupled with hunger, that be a worst scenario. But, there are times, right after they wake up, they still feel tired due to burdens of thoughts, bad dreams and so forth. Silence seems to be a sign of fatigue. The best tip to handle tiredness is just to let them sleep and rest. It is of course best if food is offered first.

Here are the golden questions of parenting. Get them right and detect them fast, you will be in control most of the time. This is how you raise well-mannered kids who will carry out the routines of the day with a happy mind. They will be more obedient and obliging kids. It will also save a lot of heart-acne, avoiding and cutting bad moments from parenting.

Note :- About 630 Words

Fruits from a tree

This is the story of a tree, a "fallen" tree. No, it has not fallen to the ground, it is not chopped off. It is still standing tall, seemingly functioning and very much look like a tree. "Fallen" here refers to the fallen nature of mankind according to Genesis Chapter one. How men have rebelled against God and were judged by God as fallen. This is the fallen tree, referring to its fallen nature just like Adam and Eve and all the generations of human races are.

A tree was growing next to a stream in a deep forest. It grew rather well, its branches spreading out. One day it started fruiting, the fruits budding and attracted a lot of animals especially birds to come near it. The animals awaited eagerly for the fruits to ripe. Then one fine day, as the gentle breeze of the forest blew through the forest, the leaves shook and some fruits fell from the tree as they were ripe by then. The birds flew in with great anticipation, they dived to the forest floor, in search of the fruits. No sooner they found the fruits and had their first bite of the fruits, they all made a strange scream and flew away ! That was rather strange sight. The animals watched in amazement and great anticipation, they dazed to the ramnent of the fruits bitten by the birds, they tried to smell and eat the fruits, the animals that tasted gave out a loud moan and ran away. The next batch of animals were puzzled by this sight, they too, came forward with amusement, wanting to know why the birds and animals have ran away from the beautiful fruits laying on the ground. One by one, different animals came forward, starting from the larger mammals to the smaller tiny ones. At the end, the animals just sniffed and left one by one. More fruits fell but it was not edible, the birds said its bitter. The animals said its too sour and the tiny animals think its poisonous.

The birds and the animals brought the case up at the Animal Kingdom Council where the King of the jungle residing as chairman and ruler. They filed in a complaint against that tree, asking the King to remove the tree or a remedy to heal the tree. The King listened intently how the animals described their anticipation and disappointment over the fruits of the tree.

"We must find out what causes this tree to yield such lowly fruits !" demanded the birds.

"We must find a remedy to heal the tree so that it will bud beautiful fruits like its brothers and sisters further down the stream." said the animals.

The King had an idea. He said, "I think this calls for us to seek the Wise Man of the Forest for help!" Off the King went to see the Wise Man.

Upon seeing the King, the Wise Man asked, "I see the King coming to ask about the fruits of the tree!"

The King was very impressed. "How did you know, O Wise Man?"

"I heard the scream of the birds and the moan of the animals on the very day the fruits ripen." replied the Wise Man.

"Its expected to be so." Nodded the Wise Man.

"Pray enlighten me, O Wise Man! For the grievances of my kingdom subjects is great." pleaded the King.

"Go to the source of the river and there you shall find the reason for this fallen tree and its fallen fruits. For it has been harbouring bitterness, regrets and sadness over and over again until the fruits are bitter, sour and almost poisonous." said the Wise Man.

The King was most puzzled with what could be happening at the source of the river where the tree has been drinking from. He sent a troop to traverse the forest and to go to the river source, the upstream. This was what the troop discovered at the upstream.

At the source of the river was a cottage, lived a widow who was very lonely, she still missed her husband and everyday she would cry while drawing water from the river, the place where they first met. Her tears have made the river bitter and sorrowful. The King quickly came to visit the lady.

"Could I offer you some comfort, my lady?" said the King.
"I could not help it, each time I am at the river, tears will flow non-stop as I remember my beloved. I miss him too much." replied the lady.
"How about it if I were to dig a well, bring the water closer to your home, so that you do not need to walk through the woods to the river to draw water from it ?" offered the King.
"A well just for me ?" exclaimed the lady. "I like the idea."

So, a well was dug just next to her cottage, she no longer go to the river to draw water, she could just step outside and throw the bucket down. The birds and little animals came to visit her everyday, she became happier and always singing when she drew water. Then, the water was healed of the bitterness and sorrowfulness. It became sweet !

Few months later, the forest trees started fruiting again, the animal kingdom watched in great anticipation to see if the "fallen" tree has been healed of its bitterness. As the gentle breeze blew across the forest, there was a sense of hope.

Of course, the result was the King was greatly pleased that his subjects were able to enjoy the fruits of the "fallen" tree that has been healed of its bitterness !

The End.

Note :- 954 words