How to Hold Your Teenager (& Other Loved Ones) Accountable

Prayer for our children

O God the Father of mankind, who hast given unto me these my children, and committed them to my charge to bring them up for Thee, and to prepare them for eternal life: help me with Thy heavenly grace, that I may be able to fulfil this most sacred duty and stewardship. Teach me both what to give and what to withhold; when to reprove and when to forbear; make me to be gentle, yet firm; considerate and watchful; and deliver me equally from the weakness of indulgence, and the excess of severity; and grant that, both by word and example, I may be careful to lead them in the ways of wisdom and true piety, so that at last I may, with them, be admitted to the unspeakable joys of our true home in heaven, in the company of the blessed Angels and Saints. Amen. O Heavenly Father, I commend my children to Thy care. Be Thou their God and Father; and mercifully supply whatever is lacking in me through frailty or negligence. Strengthen them to overcome the corruptions of the world, whether from within or without; and deliver them from the secret snares of the enemy. Pour Thy grace into their hearts, and strengthen and multiply in them the gifts of Thy Holy Spirit, that they may daily grow in grace and in knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ; and so, faithfully serving Thee here, may come to rejoice in Thy presence hereafter. Amen. Support Catholic Online by Subscribing to our Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/catholiconl...

A Father's Prayer by General MacArthur for his son

We parents are wonderful doing so much to labour and toil for our kids' studies and welfare. I am reminded by a great General 's prayer for his son that we need to be mindful of their excel in characters than exam results, their courage to face's life adversities than success in life, their compassion to standby the less fortunate than cruise along with the rich and famous. May this be a prayer for all our kids too. Here is goes:-

In the early days of that war and campaign, Gen. MacArthur acknowledged his dependence on a Heavenly Father when he composed “A Father’s Prayer”:

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee — and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. 

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously.

Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.

Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, ‘I have not lived in vain.'”

Amen.

Indeed, May the Lord helps our sons and daughters. Amen. 

Youth's Call for Entitlement

Youth's Call for Entitlement

Spaces you need, lots of it, bigger blocks, chunks of it,

Confined to a room in hall lies your ticket to freedom

Bound by the rules of the hall is your starting point to grown up life

Having your own bank account is your start to financial planning

But then do you know that your desire of privacy space pushes us away

The spatial spaces of your private room in a hall is your living space limits

The rules and laws calls for discipline and responsibility of grown up world

The bank account is just your privileges out of hard earned savings.

Youth is calling for independence, freedom and privacy space

Youth is trying to claim their entitlement

To what they think belongs to them which they should use up

To what they think is the utopia of transcend into young adulthood 

To what they think is one of their last major draw out before they reach maturity by law

But what is entitlement that they think they can claim ? 

What could they possibly claim as if the world owes them something ? 

What parents should release to them that is our own now ? 

When as  parents gave birth to you, you are our child

When we care for and nature you, we are parenting you

When we set rules and restrictions, we are disciplining you

When we tell you life stories of our family, we are coaching you 

When we repeat grandpa folk tales to you, we are telling you the family legacy

When we plan to give you the best of education, we are preparing to build your own career

When we give you financial support, we are supporting you while you learn responsibility

When we give you until we have no more, what remains is our love for you.

When you reach 18 and then finally 21, you learn to grow up

With your own room, you have to be responsible for it

With privacy space, you have to cope with loneliness

With living on your own, you have to learn communal sharing with others

With your own bank account, you have to plan to live sensibly

With your living away from home, you have to learn rules and laws

With living on your own, you are responsible for your health

With your daily routines, you have to set out your very own self-discipline

Your entitlement is your birthrights as our child

As your parents, you have our love forever

As your parents, we will coach you like nagging

As your parents, we will provide for you from limited finances 

As your parents, we will discipline you with boundaries

As your parents, we are not immortal

And when we are gone, we hope you find your legacy to live on

The day you start living for yourself you understand what entitlement really means

Footnote :-

How this came to be ?

I had a good sharing with Jane and Yong about youth and the challenges of youth keep claiming entitlement in our family lives. I wrote most part of this while waiting for Jane to make her new pair of spectacles. 

Brentford, 12 September 2015

Top Priority Things to do to prepare Child to leave home for studies

Lately, my mind is divided among many priorities. At work, between projects, negotiations and deadlines. At home, tuition for schooling kids, preparatory works for the ones leaving home for further studies. On  health, giving my kids Vitamin C to fight common cold; visiting aging parents who are seriously ill and bed ridden. The list can go on. So many things to accomplish, so little time and deadlines are imminently close ! 

I thought I pen it down what are the key priority things to do to prepare our young adult kids to be ready to leave home and to help them to set up a new living quarter thousand miles away, functional, livable and fun to overcome the lonely winter homesickness. I am more fearful that they will miss home than they don't. If they do not miss home, if they could totally gel in to the new home, that be a relief ! But, looking at  how they have been brought up, groomed by parents, pampered by the maid, they will surely miss home big time ! That is my greatest fear if they do not know how to live on their own at this tender age of 17 or 19  years old.

In my head, here is the Top Ten To Do list for preparation to leave  home but in real life, it cannot be fulfilled just like that. So here are the Top Priority of Things To Do :-

1. Talk Deeply with the child - We have to talk with them the new life to begin, we have to walk through with them the new lifestyle beginning with the  mental picture. We need to set the moral compass to point to true "north" so that no matter what happens, they can follow their hearts home and find their paths back to us, their loving parents who supply beyond their materials needs. We also need to set the boundaries of things, the finances, relationships, religions, principles, what we hope they can uphold. At times, we sound like nagging but half of the times we are begging. He is bearing our family name and upholding our family honour as he goes forth to make a new life in search of knowledge. 
2. New Items just for for him - The excitement of starting a home-away-from-home boils down to getting those essential new items just for him. The list can be personalised but it has to be comprehensive. Here are some items we are buying for them. Rice Cooker, Laptop, Tablet or Ipad (bring over current one), Smart Phone & Camera, Bed Sheets, New sets of Luggage (3 in 1 package), Maggie mee by the box, special stationary to last a year, Jackets and warm clothing,
3. Survival Home Cooking Recipes - How to make the Rice Cooker a magic pot, cooking a hundred dishes out of it. Teens' Survival cooking has to be taught. They will miss Asean food and they must be able to cook a few local dishes to bring to International events or just to create wow factor for any gathering.
4. Financial Preparation - dad's paper works has to be in order. The full cost has to be made known to the child, what are the obligation of parents and what is expected of him. Nowadays, University does offer scholarship based on marks, eg 70% will give 40% discount on the course fee, it is very desirable to let the child aim for that.  
5. Saying Goodbyes - Making note to relatives especially the elderly is very important and we should make time and take time to create memories for them. This could be their last good bye to some of the elderly relatives. We just have to check this out as completed.
6. Set the academic goals with them - Tell them how long is the course, what options are there after the graduation, do they want to work there or come back immediately, do you want them to come back soonest, if they choose to work there, what grades they must achieve, they should not be naive about it. For sure, they will only keep top students to work there. The rest to be sent home. Whether there is enough budget to embark on Post graduate studies, Whether they are required to help finance the younger siblings in the future. All these and more, need to be discussed and spelled out what are our parental expectations from this academic pursuits. 
7. Connect him to the local people as much as possible - They are going to a foreign land and thousands miles away from home. They can survive as lone ranger but they will enjoy their stay more if we could connect them to some local folks who are our friends or from church contacts. In case of emergency, at least the local people are closer to them than us. 
8. Set the living budget with them - with the high cost of living, we need to discuss how to objectively achieve lodging and food to be below 5000 or 7000 sterling pounds a year. We need to give them a figure per week which they should aim to maintain. What is not spoken is often take for granted and neglected as not important, so its best to spell out what is the weekly budget for living and to work through how to maintain the budget. Should they need some extra money, they should consider working on weekends or summer holidays so that their holidays are paid by themselves.
9. Connect them in Social Media prior to Leaving - Create family Whatsapp Group, Facebook private group so that we can maintain contacts as family members. The connection should be done while they are still here. Learn to have virtual discussions with them. The Gen Y and Z operates in the things of Internet and their life is in social media. Teach them what to post and what not to post in Internet. Be connected to them in FB, Whatsapp, Instagram so that you be the first to know what they post in social media.
10. Let them know how deep is your love for them - We need to articulate the price we are willing to pay out of this deep for them. Yes, education can cause mum and dad an arm and a leg but we will still do it, Although we are not perfect, not all sufficient but we will provide to the best of our ability ! Bear in mind though, there is a limit to our resources but no limit in our love for them. No matter what, they are still our children, our kids, forever in our heart. 

Prayer for Baby Faith

Dear Lord,
Our Baby Faith needs you
Thank you for forming in her mother's womb
Protecting and surrounding her with your love and shield
Day by day You watch her grow
It has been a good 35 weeks and a day
The gestation period of her body

Her heart and lungs need to be strengthened
Her immune system needs to double up
Against all diseases surrounding us
Her tiny stomach and intestine
Need to learn to absorb all nutrients good
So she could nurse from her mother's bosom

Her tiny body needs to grow
Make her bones stronger every day
As she learns to feed well and sleep well
That her mind be filled with God's grace
She be Christ-like and not timid but bold
Bringing joy and love to her parents

Dear Lord, I pray that Faith will be

Forever be your precious one
Always cherished and loved
Incredibly witty and nice
Tall, cheerful and strong
Healthy bubbly and sweet

In Jesus' victorious Name, we pray. Amen.

Note :-

Baby Faith Liew was born 21 May 2015 after gestation of  35 weeks 1 Day. Her birth weight was 2.06kg, discharged weight 1.88kg. At the time I completed this, she weighs 4.5 Kg. This prayer poem was written during the first month after her birth, only completed in July 2015. But I dated it on her birthday. 

Lamentations Chapter 48

Woe to me at this stage of my life

I am stuck and life seems so unfair

The young has grown taller

Stronger than us by the day

They challenge us to tasks

They will surely win

We do not stand a chance

To beat them at their games

Once they were so little

Once they depend on us

When I look at the elderly

My heart is burdened with care

Years of strife has made them

Wounded, Battled and Sick

Their memory starts to fade

Once they were our source of strength

Once they steer our life

With words of commands

Here I am, at my late forties,

Stuck in between two generations

Before and after me

I am the Gen X generation

the current ruler of the world

This one thing torment my soul

My heart cries out tears of despairs

Why I am loaded with a load of care

The elderly needs our tender cares

As their bodies weaken slowly

They need us more everyday

Decision for their health and welfare

The young ones needs our loving guidance

As they prepare to leave the nest

They need us more everyday

Decision for their future destiny

Oh Lord, I am but one body

One mind and one pair of hands

My resources is limited

My giving is limited

I cannot give all that I have

For I will be living from without

What about my needs and wishes

Who cares for me then

I could choose to live

And dwell in the land of sorrow

Or I could choose to be

A cheerful soul that cheer

To all who surrounds me

Give me perspective, Lord

Though the days are long

The years are actually short

I have often complained to my friends that life in the forties have been the toughest by far or so I think to myself, based on my current experiences. In the teens years, we felt so bounded and needed to be set free, to be independent and explore the universe to the deepest mystery. In the twenties, we felt so challenging, lots of bills just sucked up our salary, it was difficult to save for the future. In the thirties, when the kids were tiny, their food bill higher than the adults, all the toys expensive, life was hard but we must press on and save more for them and ourselves. Then, suddenly, came the forties, by then, we have survived the thirties, we have made some investment and we are beginning to see the fruits of our labours. Just when we think we have saved some money, it is time to empty the tanks again, for the elderly health care and for our kids' education. Such a pitiful stage.

 On the emotional ride, we face similar challenges. In our teens, we wanted to be free as birds, fly far away. In our twenties we were carefree, we could go where we wanted to go, we could be happy. In our thirties, we were more down to earth, we try to establish our own family traditions and legacy. Then in our forties, the emotion ride is up and down, as we prepare to say many good byes in our life. Good byes to some elderly or even young people in our life, as they depart this life. Temporary Good Byes to our children as they leave the nest to pursue their dreams.

 There is no such thing that life is unfair. Life gives us surprises, this we can be sure of. What we make out of life's surprises, that is what we can choose. 

H.A.L.T Tips of Parenting

Parenting is hard because sometimes you will be appraised on the spot by your own kids. Out of no reason, they may scream and shout,refuse to cooperate, throw their tantrum, challenge your decision,c all your names and the list can go on. When this happens, it is wise to calm down and quickly assess the kids situation and ask yourself four basic questions and save your parenting dignity ! It comes in an acronym "HALT" to mean Hunger, Anxiety, Lonely and Tiredness.  

First, check if they are Hungry. A hungry man is an angry man. This saying holds true. Somehow hunger causes our kids to be frustrated and any hunger pang is exaggerated. In any outing or travelling, it is good to have some snacks ready especially when they are younger. The younger they are, this hunger issue is real. Just think of how babies cry when they are hungry! It is very often the cause of tears and screams. You will observe, generally, right after a good and happy meal, kids are more teachable, for a little while. So you could have just finished Dim-Sum and driving home, perhaps that is the best time to discuss the upcoming tuition timetable provided it does not provoke vomiting due to violent objections from the kids. 

If hunger is not an issue, take time to find out if they are Anxious about something. The things that a child is anxious about is totally real to them and it must be resolved. You could be on the way to tuition and the child is anxious about the tutor's expectations and how he could fail that subject. May be he is getting anxious of his pimples and losing his self-esteem. Driving is a golden time to discuss things and issues. Inside a moving car, it is the next best time to talk compared to the "Pillow-Talk" time. So seize the moment if your child opens up his anxiety to you. Do not disregard it as childish, Spend time to reassure them of your parental assessment and affirmation that it is okay no matter what. 

"Are you lonesome my dear ?" could be a question to ask our kids. In the midst of the classroom full of kids; on the dance floor of jumping kids; in a bus-load of youth outing; and yet for some reason, our child could feel Loneliness. Loneliness is not the absence of friends surrounding us. It is the lack of like-minded friends, buddies who understand, who will stand for us. Doing things alone takes the joy of the doing. Loneliness, sometimes  is a measure of their self-worth. Generally, poor self-image kids will feel loneliness more. They tend to isolated themselves away from other kids.

Lastly, know that when they are Tired, it is futile to discuss anything significant or life-changing topic. Typically, at the end of school day, at the close of the tuition class, when they come out of exam hall, the kids are worn out mentally and physically. If coupled with hunger, that be a worst scenario. But, there are times, right after they wake up, they still feel tired due to burdens of thoughts, bad dreams and so forth. Silence seems to be a sign of fatigue. The best tip to handle tiredness is just to let them sleep and rest. It is of course best if food is offered first.

Here are the golden questions of parenting. Get them right and detect them fast, you will be in control most of the time. This is how you raise well-mannered kids who will carry out the routines of the day with a happy mind. They will be more obedient and obliging kids. It will also save a lot of heart-acne, avoiding and cutting bad moments from parenting.

Note :- About 630 Words