Top Priority Things to do to prepare Child to leave home for studies

Lately, my mind is divided among many priorities. At work, between projects, negotiations and deadlines. At home, tuition for schooling kids, preparatory works for the ones leaving home for further studies. On  health, giving my kids Vitamin C to fight common cold; visiting aging parents who are seriously ill and bed ridden. The list can go on. So many things to accomplish, so little time and deadlines are imminently close ! 

I thought I pen it down what are the key priority things to do to prepare our young adult kids to be ready to leave home and to help them to set up a new living quarter thousand miles away, functional, livable and fun to overcome the lonely winter homesickness. I am more fearful that they will miss home than they don't. If they do not miss home, if they could totally gel in to the new home, that be a relief ! But, looking at  how they have been brought up, groomed by parents, pampered by the maid, they will surely miss home big time ! That is my greatest fear if they do not know how to live on their own at this tender age of 17 or 19  years old.

In my head, here is the Top Ten To Do list for preparation to leave  home but in real life, it cannot be fulfilled just like that. So here are the Top Priority of Things To Do :-

1. Talk Deeply with the child - We have to talk with them the new life to begin, we have to walk through with them the new lifestyle beginning with the  mental picture. We need to set the moral compass to point to true "north" so that no matter what happens, they can follow their hearts home and find their paths back to us, their loving parents who supply beyond their materials needs. We also need to set the boundaries of things, the finances, relationships, religions, principles, what we hope they can uphold. At times, we sound like nagging but half of the times we are begging. He is bearing our family name and upholding our family honour as he goes forth to make a new life in search of knowledge. 
2. New Items just for for him - The excitement of starting a home-away-from-home boils down to getting those essential new items just for him. The list can be personalised but it has to be comprehensive. Here are some items we are buying for them. Rice Cooker, Laptop, Tablet or Ipad (bring over current one), Smart Phone & Camera, Bed Sheets, New sets of Luggage (3 in 1 package), Maggie mee by the box, special stationary to last a year, Jackets and warm clothing,
3. Survival Home Cooking Recipes - How to make the Rice Cooker a magic pot, cooking a hundred dishes out of it. Teens' Survival cooking has to be taught. They will miss Asean food and they must be able to cook a few local dishes to bring to International events or just to create wow factor for any gathering.
4. Financial Preparation - dad's paper works has to be in order. The full cost has to be made known to the child, what are the obligation of parents and what is expected of him. Nowadays, University does offer scholarship based on marks, eg 70% will give 40% discount on the course fee, it is very desirable to let the child aim for that.  
5. Saying Goodbyes - Making note to relatives especially the elderly is very important and we should make time and take time to create memories for them. This could be their last good bye to some of the elderly relatives. We just have to check this out as completed.
6. Set the academic goals with them - Tell them how long is the course, what options are there after the graduation, do they want to work there or come back immediately, do you want them to come back soonest, if they choose to work there, what grades they must achieve, they should not be naive about it. For sure, they will only keep top students to work there. The rest to be sent home. Whether there is enough budget to embark on Post graduate studies, Whether they are required to help finance the younger siblings in the future. All these and more, need to be discussed and spelled out what are our parental expectations from this academic pursuits. 
7. Connect him to the local people as much as possible - They are going to a foreign land and thousands miles away from home. They can survive as lone ranger but they will enjoy their stay more if we could connect them to some local folks who are our friends or from church contacts. In case of emergency, at least the local people are closer to them than us. 
8. Set the living budget with them - with the high cost of living, we need to discuss how to objectively achieve lodging and food to be below 5000 or 7000 sterling pounds a year. We need to give them a figure per week which they should aim to maintain. What is not spoken is often take for granted and neglected as not important, so its best to spell out what is the weekly budget for living and to work through how to maintain the budget. Should they need some extra money, they should consider working on weekends or summer holidays so that their holidays are paid by themselves.
9. Connect them in Social Media prior to Leaving - Create family Whatsapp Group, Facebook private group so that we can maintain contacts as family members. The connection should be done while they are still here. Learn to have virtual discussions with them. The Gen Y and Z operates in the things of Internet and their life is in social media. Teach them what to post and what not to post in Internet. Be connected to them in FB, Whatsapp, Instagram so that you be the first to know what they post in social media.
10. Let them know how deep is your love for them - We need to articulate the price we are willing to pay out of this deep for them. Yes, education can cause mum and dad an arm and a leg but we will still do it, Although we are not perfect, not all sufficient but we will provide to the best of our ability ! Bear in mind though, there is a limit to our resources but no limit in our love for them. No matter what, they are still our children, our kids, forever in our heart. 

Lamentations Chapter 48

Woe to me at this stage of my life

I am stuck and life seems so unfair

The young has grown taller

Stronger than us by the day

They challenge us to tasks

They will surely win

We do not stand a chance

To beat them at their games

Once they were so little

Once they depend on us

When I look at the elderly

My heart is burdened with care

Years of strife has made them

Wounded, Battled and Sick

Their memory starts to fade

Once they were our source of strength

Once they steer our life

With words of commands

Here I am, at my late forties,

Stuck in between two generations

Before and after me

I am the Gen X generation

the current ruler of the world

This one thing torment my soul

My heart cries out tears of despairs

Why I am loaded with a load of care

The elderly needs our tender cares

As their bodies weaken slowly

They need us more everyday

Decision for their health and welfare

The young ones needs our loving guidance

As they prepare to leave the nest

They need us more everyday

Decision for their future destiny

Oh Lord, I am but one body

One mind and one pair of hands

My resources is limited

My giving is limited

I cannot give all that I have

For I will be living from without

What about my needs and wishes

Who cares for me then

I could choose to live

And dwell in the land of sorrow

Or I could choose to be

A cheerful soul that cheer

To all who surrounds me

Give me perspective, Lord

Though the days are long

The years are actually short

I have often complained to my friends that life in the forties have been the toughest by far or so I think to myself, based on my current experiences. In the teens years, we felt so bounded and needed to be set free, to be independent and explore the universe to the deepest mystery. In the twenties, we felt so challenging, lots of bills just sucked up our salary, it was difficult to save for the future. In the thirties, when the kids were tiny, their food bill higher than the adults, all the toys expensive, life was hard but we must press on and save more for them and ourselves. Then, suddenly, came the forties, by then, we have survived the thirties, we have made some investment and we are beginning to see the fruits of our labours. Just when we think we have saved some money, it is time to empty the tanks again, for the elderly health care and for our kids' education. Such a pitiful stage.

 On the emotional ride, we face similar challenges. In our teens, we wanted to be free as birds, fly far away. In our twenties we were carefree, we could go where we wanted to go, we could be happy. In our thirties, we were more down to earth, we try to establish our own family traditions and legacy. Then in our forties, the emotion ride is up and down, as we prepare to say many good byes in our life. Good byes to some elderly or even young people in our life, as they depart this life. Temporary Good Byes to our children as they leave the nest to pursue their dreams.

 There is no such thing that life is unfair. Life gives us surprises, this we can be sure of. What we make out of life's surprises, that is what we can choose. 

The Lord watches over us

New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 127

A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.
2 In vain you rise early
    and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
    for he grants sleep to[a] those he loves.

The Message (MSG)

A Pilgrim Song of Solomon

127 1-2 If God doesn’t build the house,
    the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn’t guard the city,
    the night watchman might as well nap.
It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late,
    and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don’t you know he enjoys
    giving rest to those he loves?

I often call to mind these verses when I think of the protection God has given to my physical home, our house on earth. It has happened again and again that the Lord has prevented us from getting into harm and giving us peace of mind while we were seriously mindless and clueless how vulnerable we were on those nights.

The Lord has been gracious towards my family and He has protected us on countless occasions from harm such as snakes and thefts. Although we had things stolen from our house and our windows were opened up, the loss we suffered was quite minimal. For that, we are really grateful. 

What happened ?

We have on a few occasions, due to carelessness and forgetfulness, left the gate wide open and the main door unlocked for most of the night. Sometimes it was a few hours until early morning, but once, it was the entire night! And on that particular night, the Bungalor next to our lane had been broken into and stolen antique goods worth quarter of million Ringgit !

And tonight 29 April 2015 early morning, it happened again when my son left with the car but for some silly reason, he chose not to bring the gate and door key expecting us to lock after him and open door for him. I was alone, dozing on and off before the laptop on the dining table while waiting for him to come back. 

To think of the great perils we were in. To be so vulnerable with a load of care. To be ignorant of the dangers at hands. Totally at the mercy of the passers-by to be merciful and with no evil intention that could befall them to enter and rob us ! 

At that moment, our lives and possessions were at great stake and perils and yet we did not know.

While we were careless, 

The Lord was careful to watch over us.

While we were mindless, 
The Lord was mindful to guard our door.

While we were forgetful, 
The Lord always remember 
to keep guard at the door steps.

While we were clueless of the danger, 
The Lord always give us peace to sleep.

While we were absent-minded, 
The Lord always remembers to protect. 

2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (NIV). God wants us to give Him everything we are not and His strength will be made perfect in us.

Religious extremists in our world

All my life, I have been spoiled by peace and harmony, brought up in a loving environment where children's welfare and education were viewed as family's top investment priority. I grew up believing that the sky is the limit and I can be what I aspire and dream to be. Having been born at a time that Malaysia did not experience any wars or social unrest, I view all mankind are good and kind. I believe there is goodness in everyone. I was taught to respect others religions and practices and keep my religious convictions and beliefs to myself and to practice among those who subscribe to it. After all, religions can never be forced upon anyone. Even within a family, the parent could instill and inculcate the love for their belief and religion but to make decision on behalf of the children is next to impossible. Such is the peace and harmony that I have come to know and claim to be my constitutional rights. Peace-loving, harmony-respectful, that is what we represent and we are. 

But it seems lately, all that we hear in the news media is the contradiction of our belief system, against what we have been taught and against what our constitution upholds. The world as a whole have seen more terrorism coming out from various extremist religious groups, there is one religion that stand out in all these extremists stories. They are causing suffering among other religions, they create fear among all who hear their name. It makes all religious teaching for love, forgiveness a mockery in the face. As to respect to the human race, none. As  to their worship of God, they are worst than those who do not believe in God.

How could things go so wrong ? Why is their so much hatred on others ? Why pick on one religion ? Where is God when these things are happening against His people ? Have we angered him and we left us to suffer under man? So many questions and no one is able to answer.

Where is justice when we need it ? Where is the world's self professed policeman ? Why do they not police all these violent and killings ? Where are all the super heroes? Even in social media, aside spreading the errie video footings of the killing, there have been very little comment by the keyboard warrior ?

I am guilty as charged. I have been silent on this killing and protesting. I have been avoiding the topic and refuse to comment on the postings that I see everyday. 

In far away land, christian brothers and sisters were killed in mass, they are suffering on a daily basis. They did no wrong but treated as criminals. Closer to home, we have been restricted in calling God as "Allah" in Peninsular Malaysia, but we could God "Allah" in Sabah and Sarawak. This has sparkled some many jokes about our Bahasa Malaysia Alkitab obtained from Sarawak, brought over to Peninsular Malaysia for personal usage, so is that legal ? Questions that are too stupid to even answer them. 

I am really torn apart by the suffering, it grieved me to see suffering, part of me is so angry and furious, how could this be allowed to happen again and again ? Part of me is very helpless, is there something that I could do to soothe the pain of those who suffer or stop all these brutality ? What are we to make sense of these madness ? I even want to question God, "Where are you Lord ?" I know You are right there among their midst, you are suffering among them. I wish the flesh-eating disease will spread among them fast and wipe them out, I wish thunder will strike them all dead, I wish to see the wrath of God come upon them as in the Old Testament days when the Lord God was mocked and insulted. I wish. But I am such evil person myself to have harbored such evil thoughts. 

How can I make sense of the sufferings that are happening to God's children in other places ? What can I do to the constantly endangered brothers and sisters in Christ ? Could I do nothing ? Without emphathy or turn a blind eye to all these cruelty ? What is the Christian's right response to all these ?

God is not blind nor is He deaf

Of the sufferings of His Children in His Name
Hope will prevail among His Children that He is still on the throne

The following remarks come from Coptic Christian Bishop Antonios, speaking on behalf of the
Ethiopian Church regarding this latest butchery of Christians who refuse to accept Islam:

[W]e continue to look at these events with the eyes of faith. The chain of martyrs has not finished, and will accompany the whole history until the end. Christians do not seek martyrdom, they want to live in peace and joy. But if martyrdom comes, it is comforting to see that it can be accepted with the same peace which was accepted by the Copts who pronounced the name of Christ and they relied on Him as they were being slaughtered. The Church has never complained of martyrdom, but has always celebrated martyrs as those in whom, while they are being killed, the great and consoling victory of Christ shines.

 http://www.raymondibrahim.com/muslim-persecution-of-christians/christians-accept-execution-rather-than-islam/

My long-suffering mother

Mum was hospitalised early this week on Monday early morning 5 am. It was another one of her episode of fighting with fatigue that came with penumonia, lung infection and chesty coughs full of phelgm. This time, there was a concern that she could not talk or respond really well and she has been choking on her food for the past few days before she took the cough syrup and became drowsy for half a day. Stroke was the chief suspicion. 

Life in and out of hospitals, regimental dialysis of blood, three times of week, that has been the lifestyle of my mum since she was diagnosied of renal failure in 2003. In fact, she was diagnosed too late and they caused her many complications and she was bed ridden for more than 6 months. Mum has been a strong survivor in adversary conditions of her health. In the worst moments of  her health, she fought the strongest battle, she would not give up. God has been merciful to her and to us, granting her another opportunity of living, again and again.

I got my thinking cap on, and I am thinking :

When it comes to my turn, will I be that strong ?

What happens when mum gets really tired and giving up and how soon is that day ?

What happens to  dad when mum leaves him behind for her glorious home ?

What is it that cause God to bless one with long life but in poor health ? Is God responsible for this ? I doubt it. 

I do not think I have a defnite answer to these questions. I do not know the reason for her triumphs again and again and I do not know how long is this going to be. Seeing her weak, frail and sickly is sad and it seems she suffers a lot. But, between her and her Maker, I believe there is a purpose for her suffering, only God can  make sense of the sufferings. God has definitely grants my mum the desire of her to stay longer despite how bitter and painful her body is giving her. God has a purpose to allow her to be with us, a little bit longer, day by day, month by month.

Ever since mum fallen really ill in 2003, we have stopped planning holidays as a family. Dad has hardly been to any away-from-home trip. He only went few times away due to church group visitations. Otherwise, dad would refuse to travel with us, leaving mum behind. I guess, this illness makes us children realise how deep is his love for mum which we thought was non-existence when we were younger, given that they quarrelled quite a fair bit. Growing up, I thought I had quite a miserable family life, that my parents were not that loving to one another, occasional spells of quarrells were norm of the days. 

Little did I know, most families if not all, have their own set of problems, some got resolved (like ours), some went separate ways (parents divorced or separated right after the kids grown up), some fell apart (children against parents). Ours is considered quite an Okay family, We are still quite united as one front when we experience any problems !

Since young, I remember mum as a strong lady of purpose and intentions. She did things purposefully. She and dad worked really hard to bring us up and saved every cents for our purpose. We could attribute her renal failure to her poor health choices. But being poor, she did not have most of the luxury we are having today and she would have tasted very little of fast food. Yet, she has gotten sick again and again.

Lessons I could learn from my mum are :-

• Life is unpredictable, handle it with grace. One really do not know what is to become of us in the near future or distant future.
• Portion of our grace matches the needs of the day that we have. This is sure promise of God. He will provide the portion of grace to overcome our problems.
• Don't give up on life until God asks you to give up, then we know it's time to go home.
• Not all questions have answers on earth but in heaven, we will understand why.
• Cherish life moment by moment. You cannot have life at the larger picture, you can't have it all.  But for each precious moment, treasure it.
• Health is a personal affair, everyone has his or her stage and issues. Each is to fight his or her own battle in health.
• In sickness and suffering, God is still there with us, holding us in His palm and protecting us.
• Guardian angels work the hardest in hospital where one battle for life and we are utterly dependent on the doctors and nurses to make the right decision to make us alive.
• When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. In the deepest pit and hardest moment, we rise up the strongest.
• Family is the most important thing in life; everything else we have and do are secondary. Therfore, we must give our family life priority in this community.

I love you, mum. You are a life-changer for our family. You set us on higher ground. You live for us to live in full while you emptied yourself for our sake.

From Berlin with rocks

We went to Berlin as tourists, we came away educated about wars and its evil consequences. Wars can never be a solution for any conflicts or disagreements, no matter how grave the differences. We learnt about how separation could make one creative, and the price of freedom is so costly and dangerous, to the point of paying for it upfront with one's own life. But yet, freedom is worthy of the dangerous attempts.

I could not understand the full extent of the suffering caused by the Berlin Wall, but I could understand the consequences of  having be segregated from loved ones as a result of a war. I know that there must be great sufferings for the people to risk their all to come over to the other side. That much I know. They were really creative people in thinking out of the box how they could escape from the East to the West. Stories on the wall at Charlie Checkpoint were many and incredibly creative, some were totally unimaginable how they could come up with the idea and yet it worked ! Here are some that I could remember :-

1) One man got his girlfriend to come board the train and during ticket checking time, he hid her inside two suitcases which were joined through some carpentry works and she hid inside for about 3 hours.
2) One man made a model of cattle and hid inside the cattle's stomach as his friend drove him over as a piece of art display.
3) One family used hot-air balloon to fly across during night time to avoid being spotted and they failed at first attempt but they tried a second time.
4) Many hid inside unimaginable small spaces of cars, tractors, train and come through the other side.
5) One man swam across the ocean for hours in the dark and got saved by a ship.
6) Some men dug tunnels to allow people from the other to climb over.

The list went on and on. There was just so much hope in every one of the success story of escape, the great escape.

In the souvenir shops of Berlin, they sell the stones chipped from the Berlin wall, I was thinking this must be fake, some plaster, some stones from another place, what could possibly drive us to buy such souvenirs to remember Berlin ? And yet, as one ponder about the significance of this history at Checkpoint Charlie, the many stories of survival and great men and women who risked their lives to help even strangers to come from the East into the West side of Berlin. Then, we realised that this is not just about Berlin, this is not about their internal war, the stories at Checkpoint Charlie inspires many up-rising, people coming forward to speak against political persecutions in various parts of  the world, many giving up their own lives as some were murdered to be silenced. Then this chip of rock from Berlin world is significant, it represents many stories that need to be told to the world, many stories we have not yet heard.

The stories were so amazingly creative, some with sad outcomes, most with happy endings.

And so, our trip to Berlin ended with bags of stones chips from Berlin walls in our bag, a reminder of the great hope we have in democracy and in people's power to survive.

Good Friday Meditation

People often asked :

Why is the cross, the capital punishment tool, be the symbol of Christianity and the center of its focus ? How could an ever loving forgiving God let His own Son to die on the cross for the mankind they created which they could declare as lost and failed project on big blue planet ? 

I do not always have a good answer to these questions. I know that God died for my sins on that cross many years ago just to enable me to come back to Him and live the life He has purposed for me. I shiver to think that He would still die for me should I be the only human ever lived. 

To the world, the cross is the symbol of ultimate cruelty, both from God's and mankind's perspectives. It is unimaginable to think God would put His Son through this agonising death. To just witness His own son death on the cross would be a near-death agonising experience. 

But to Paul, he said, the cross is the symbol of Love at its summation, Love at its peak form, it is a symbol of God's Goodness for Mankind. He is Good and He will lay down His life for His own. 

As I ponder on this questions, I became clear why the symbol of cross means to us who have come into faith in Christ, it means that God is willing to be wounded for our sake, God is willing to suffer and die for us in a special way so that death will hold its sting no more and we be set free. The price Christ paid on the cross is not to give us a ticket to heaven, it is more than that. The cross is a reminder that we need to die to the world and we need to die to self in order to  live an abundant life even as we are on earth. God is not just a distant, un-involved God who judges, all Holy, all worthy and all mighty, all perfect and having nothing to do with sins. He is not like that. He is the God with a wound. If we look around the world, there is so much suffering, how could we worship and follow a God who cannot identify with suffering and wounds ?

John Stott said it best in his reflection on the Cross :

“I could never myself believe in God, if it were not for the cross. The only God I believe in is the One Nietzsche ridiculed as 'God on the cross.' In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?

I have entered many Buddhist temples in different Asian countries and stood respectfully before the statue of the Buddha, his legs crossed, arms folded, eyes closed, the ghost of a smile playing round his mouth, a remote look on his face, detached from the agonies of the world.

But each time after a while I have had to turn away. And in imagination I have turned instead to that lonely, twisted, tortured figure on the cross, nails through hands and feet, back lacerated, limbs wrenched, brow bleeding from thorn-pricks, mouth dry and intolerably thirsty, plunged in Godforsaken darkness.

That is the God for me! He laid aside his immunity to pain. He entered our world of flesh and blood, tears and death. He suffered for us. Our sufferings become more manageable in the light of his. There is still a question mark against human suffering, but over it we boldly stamp another mark, the cross that symbolizes divine suffering. 'The cross of Christ ... is God’s only self-justification in such a world” as ours....'

The other gods were strong; but thou wast weak; they rode, but thou didst stumble to a throne; But to our wounds only God’s wounds can speak, And not a god has wounds, but thou alone.” 

― John R.W. Stott, Cross 

A Poem with Riddles Rings

I have within me,

within my four thick walls,

the complete cycle of emotions :

Love, joy, sorrow,

Anticipation, relief, surprise,

Pain, suffering, despair,

Have you ever wondered ?

Sunrise and sunset,

Monsoons and draught,

Seasons come and seasons go,

But the complete cycle of emotions

is still making the vicious cycle.

All within my walls.

Have you ever wondered ?

Love precedes surprise,

Surprise begets sorrow,

sorrow births forth joy.

Its a pride to behold !

Anticipation precedes joy or sorrow,

No one really knows until the card says so.

Its a surprise that you don’t like.

Its a torment, I know!

Suffering precedes relief,

relief begets trust,

Trust births forth joy.

Its a great delight!

Sorrow precedes pain

pain begets despair

despair finally die !

Its such a sympathy sight !

I have seen them all,

They all happen within me.

Come to visit me often,

Come to bring joy and hope while you can,

Your presence here means a lot to all of us.

To those who work here, they are happy with your care.

To those who stay here, they are blessed with your cheer.

For a day might come, sooner than you know,

You will be here with me,

then you will see the cycle of emotions

turning round and  round

while you at the waiting end.

Have you ever wondered ?

********************************************

So take a guess, what has just been described here ? 

An emotion, A place, A person ?

Poem in Riddles

I am all binary and code,

Boring as can be,

But languages have been written,

Especially for me !

Though I can only understand  0 and 1,

I speak any language as you want.

I come in all sorts of colours,

shapes, sizes and weights,

even gender specific !

I am available over internet

or you could walk into Hypermarket

to select through the aisles of display :

Just me and my friends and

the colourful trendy dressy accessories!

People who uses me are from all walks of life !

Engineers, professors, professionals, all the clever lots;

Teenagers, Elderies, toddlers, this I kid you not.

Some for serious, some for fun,

Some for good, many for evil,

Some making money out of me !

I am the heartbeat behind Governments and Corporations

At the press of keystroke, at the sound of a click,

A decision is made.

Some decision is good, Some to destroy !

I usually get to be blamed.

I am the brain behind many works,

For they use me more than writing on papers:

Ideas, thoughts, pictures and mind maps.

I can remember them all.

I am progressive, dynamic and changing,

Today you see me, tomorrow I could be gone.

So try to cherish me and use me for the good.

I am here to serve you till your works is done !

**************************************************

Take a guess what am I ?

Written August 2010