A Melancholic Christmas

I am having a melancholic Christmas this year, trying hard to fight the urge to rush, overwhelm the load and do too much. It is a Christmas that I go through with a sense of loss and hope, both at the same time. It is a period of transition from one place to another and I have little to hold on to that I could claim its mine to keep. Life has a funny twist to it at times, for the greater good, one has to let go of the good and settle for a loss. That is how I feel. I am ok but not feeling great about it. So, I call it a melancholic season, since Christmas is here, it is a melancholic Christmas then. Hopefully, all these will pass sooner than I can remember it, that it will be just a phase in life that I will eventually forget the details and the pain. Hopefully, I will overcome and come out stronger than before. So, there is this little hope lingering on.

There are times, I would like to curve up as a ball and roll into a corner and hide till the season is over. I know that is silly and that will mean I am to miss everything about Christmas and the season. 

What can you do when you feeling and your wishes for the season do not match? How would I know that I would not regret it for being too inactive? Even at this low time, I believe this season of Emmanuel will bring a greater meaning to me if I allow God to work out His timing and not to overthink about it. I think the following keep my sanity intact and keep me seemingly active even though doing much less.

1) Wait a bit, wait on the Lord for this is the season of Advert, time to wait. Listen to His prompting and guidance.The wait can be long, 7 days, 2 weeks or even a month long. I did not succumb to the urge to compete to the first to put up the Christmas Tree and decorations in the house. My original plan was to put them all up before 5 November, before I left for my holidays. I know, its a bit too early. And so we waited for the right moments, to settle few more things in the priority list and we only up the decorations on 13 December! Well, originally, it was supposed to be up on Christmas Eve! And it took us over a long weekend to complete it, waiting for my son to climb the ladder for the taller decorations. It was worth the wait, the decorations still look as stunning, bright and colourful. Christabel has chosen blue as the main colour for the tree. 

2) Doing less is actually doing more. Having less expectation and doing as best that can be. 

Think, rationalise, re-think, re-rationalise the whole schedules and think of ways to make things simpler by doing lesser and shorter list of guests. I think I have to urge to do things big and more is less to me, I mean cooking for 25 and 40 is not that much difference until I start to prepare for double portions and it takes double time to complete all the cooking and chores and I would lay down and mourn the back pain and someone will remind me of my stubbornness to overwork again. I would have no time to wrap up presents and it be too late. So it is a vicious cycle that will go round. 

3) Christmas Devotions, Reflections are important part of the season.

Every year, this is often the least done and most left out item even though it is supposed to be a priority. I have to print them and get myself to read them. Sharing them out is a good way to ensure that I read them. 

4) Go with the flow where it is right thing to do. 

Checking out with families and friends help a lot to see what is the right thing to do. I will have to listen carefully what everyone is doing and wishing to do and adjust accordingly, move some of the guest list to another day just to clear things up a bit more so that I could enjoy them.

5) Expect Emmanual to show up this season. Plan and execute expecting God to show up. Think about the guest list carefully. Invite who you can entertain and be a blessing to them. I am really terrible at this. May the Lord grants me the courage and wisdom to do the needful.

And so, I have a simpler Christmas this year, spending more time reflecting on myself, talking and listening to people that I should pay attention to and be there for them. I think the big change has to be the presents list, I shall devote some time to do that. 

Last but not least, to have a good Christmas, one must have good Christmas Carols to listent to. I miss the Christmas Radio Station this year and found this to be very good. It creates a Christmas atmosphere at my home and a Christmas mood in my heart. May God be glorified in all these, feeble as my heart and soul, He is great in His works and deeds!