Do I have encountering-God moments in my life ? I am not sure. I may have special moments that I felt touched by God; I had his voices calling my childhood name (only known to my parents); circumstances beautifully orchestrated by the Almighty; promptings guided by the Holy Spirit but encountering God as a decisive moment that changed me ? I need to have a hard think on this.
Growing up, God was a concept of holiness, perfect, all loving, all forgiving. The all-forgiving character of God was very important to me for I lived an angry life, fighting with my brother with real hatred and all-strength.
But certainly, God was an Answered-my-prayers God, yes, he has been, for my younger days. For most prayers anyway, the younger, the more naive, the innocent prayers of mine, they were, interestingly, all answered by God in miracles and unthinkable manners.But there were not answered immediately,some took a decade to realise. But I realised that God has been faithful and I have not been.
Something happened in the middle-age me, God seems to have stop answering my prayers (not all anyway) and I stop feeling close to God. Some called it the big fat rat race of the living, the life trap, the cycle of living, it has been a roller coaster ride of wild trips. I have been too absorbed into making a living, a self-made man (Woman), one that has too much pride and ego to ask for help. Too much of anything is certainly no good. A bit of pride, a bit of ego, a bit of self-made game plans. I always thought life should be prepared with Plan A, B, C and even D ! Just in case, there is always a second plan to make up for the losses in the first Plan. But, is this where God wants me to be ? Or am I experiencing the outcome of my own pride and failures ?
Have I lost my faith, bit by bit ? Have I forgotten how to ask in childlike faith ? Was I being selfish and having second motives in my prayer requests ? Perhaps, I have not been praying in the will of God ! That's it ! The nugget truth, the will of God, big word for small faith folks like me ! How about this one - His ways are higher than my ways (all my ways combined ?) His timing is also out of my infinite world of limitations. He is timeless and limitless, silence could mean golden, a thousand years is like a day to Him. Oh dear, I do not have that long to wait !
Growing up, I often heard this explanation on prayers, God always answers all our prayers and His answers could be any of the three according to His omniscience wisdom. He always reply as :-
1) Yes - you can have it as you have prayed as it is my will too !
2) No - you cannot have it as it is not my will for you !
3) Wait - my timing and my will is to bless you, trust me, not this time, not yet !
O Lord, forgive me for missing your answers to my prayer requests, for ignoring your discipline, for overlooking your loving answers to my unanswered prayers. Amen.
Note :- About 561 Words.
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