A little get-away haven

A short drive away from KK city, we reached a beach front. Hubby has taken us on a short vacation, but the place is like a home away from home. The beach is so inviting and the sunset is just so picture perfect. The pool is calling you to dip in, the dining for breakfast was marvellous display of all choices ! Thus, our Hengs set out for a short break on this sandy beach of Tuaran.

Dealing with young death

There is always a first time for everything under the sun. I have been to dozens of funerals at various stages of my life since 26 years old. Prior to that first funeral I attended of my classmate who was same age as me, I had only attended my grandparents' funerals. But, this was to be the death of a young life, so young, only 15 days young on this earth.

Death is never welcomed at any home. Its mysterious and lonely feeling.  To the loved ones, it is the entire world caving in upon their lives, there is no way to run, no place to hide. To those surrounding them, we watch as they grieve in pain, suffer in silence, we cry along with them.

I have vivid memory of most funerals I attended, some I forced myself to attend, I do not know the deceased but I happened to be there and I knew the sibling and I had to force myself to go and pay last respect. Some were closed relatives and friends and I remember these funerals details, even the weathers of those few days of mourning.

I am often tongue tight in funerals visitations. My stomach would be tied in a knot, my tongue felt twisted and words would fail me. Even when I have prepared what to say, I could not say them out at all. So in this case, I could at least put into actions what I could do for her, my little part.

Baby Grace is the first baby that I have the privilege to assist to prepare for her funeral and her final journey. To be exact, she was not 15 days old when she passed on. To me and her parents, she has been around for 33 weeks since conception. The relationship with her was bonding through feeling her kicks on her mummy's tummy. It was a very exciting and much to look forward journey and an incomplete one. I looked forward to "feeling" her kicks every Sunday at church and at GB. I am getting very fond of her and getting ready to cuddle a young infant again. Her parents are so ready for her. I am ready for her. The entire Home Group is so excited to meet her too.

It happened so suddenly that I could still remember the conversations I had about them going into the hospital on 4 May 2014 Sunday after GB meeting at about 6 pm. Nothing quite prepared for us for what is to come. Baby Grace was miraculously saved and born at 10:30 pm that same evening. She was 1.6 Kg and a good weight at 31 weeks. From that day, she has been such a strong fighter. So when she breathed her last on 19 May 2014 1:35 pm, sadness just choked me.

Yet, we choose to remember Baby Grace in her garden-like heaven. Grandma used to tell that babies only dream about playing in a garden. She will know no pain and has not learnt how to hate. She is perfect in every sense. She feels free and is free.

I will always remember you Baby Grace, and I promise you that I will help your mummy and daddy through this grief.

What a privilege for a few aunties and Brigade members to ready the Moses Basket for you, Baby Grace. The cloth bought was so perfect, the pillows so soft done by your mum and grandma, the flowers all arranged nicely. 

This is my first witness at a Sea Burial. Totally unprepared for it and the emotion is as calm as the ocean. To think that in ancient days, only heroes were buried in the sea. 

The flowers are such graphical illustrations of how human lives are here today and gone tomorrow. Nothing is permanent and forever except what belongs to the Lord, our spirits.

These balloons represent the freedom Baby Grace has received in her passing. She will rejoice and dance forever more before her King and Maker, her Heavenly Daddy will always be there for her. Yes, we will mourn and cry with her parents for a while and in a short while, we will rejoice and remember that her life is to be celebrated even though it was just 15 days young.

Ten useful tips to know about delivering a baby

This blog post is dedicated to my dear friend, Christine and her husband for the impending joy of awaiting the arrival of their first bundle of joy. As I watch her grow into this pregnancy, so much thoughts and emotions have been brought to my mind about my own pregnancies, yes, a total of four pregnancies ! For me personally, nothing in this life could compare to that special nine months of carrying a child within you wherever you go and yet, the world has expected us-expecting mothers to behave as normal as a man. 

So, I put together my best offered tips for the delivery of her first-born, all ten of them, and may she finds some comforts and joy to know that all these will soon come to pass and once it is over, it is often shelved and not mentioned but never quite forgotten.

1. Packing the baby and mummy bags, it is possible to pack both in one bag however you should bear in mind that the nurse may have to go through your bag for you when they bath your baby for the first time. So, it is better to have a smaller baby bag for baby stuff unless you do not mind her going through your personal stuff. Here is a good suggestion.
2. Have a mind the Birth Plan, it is to be a mental picture of how you want the baby delivered. In some countries, you write the Birth Plan down and discuss with the doctor and nurses prior to your delivery. It should entails the worst case scenarios and options of your choice. Some ideas to think through are painkiller jape before delivery, cut or no-cut just before birth, epidural or GA if it is Cesarean delivery. Read about it here.
3. Plan your Confinement Month, don't let it just happen and you will end up watching Indonesian TV series with your confinement lady or maid ! If you are working, you could plan to getting in touch with work after two weeks by just answering selective emails and writing some reports. Better still, if you could do personal retreat to think through and plan about your new family, your career path options, your future time management. Not so much about baby yet because for many years the baby will be stuck with you but you have to move on from here. The issue of having a Confinement Lady or just your mum with the maid, it is your call and your choice. Think carefully. Plan your meals and don't just like others plan for you.
4. Checking into the hospital should be treated as if you are going on vacation or retreat, you plan what clothes to wear and bring a good camera because your baby's first photo in life will have your clothes on it for life ! As tempted as it is to wear your man's baggy basketball jersey, make sure what you wear in the delivery room and the hospital stay are comfy, practical, tear-proof and looks good on photos. You should discuss with your mum or husband what is the first meal to be like, likely porridge and fish or just chicken soup. It is mainly because you do need to have a little bowel movement before you could go home if you stay at the hospital for a few days and you do not want to  have constipation during recovery time, that will be too painful. 
5. Bring a book, OK, I am old fashion, for each of my child, I selected a simple book with short stories to read, I remember I brought a book on Friendship stories, that kept me entertained, light reading, something to keep my mind of what is going on. Electronic devices for social media is probably good but I feel they will stress you up even more. This is a private and sacred moment for you, your body and your baby. During First Stage Labour and before going into the delivery room, it could be anything from 4 to 6 hours or a day !
6. Ask questions and know what is going on, offer your opinion and expect them to ignore you but be sure to demand based on your instinct to be re-checked; you could turn down drugs offer when you have prolong labour pain; ask to empty your bowel movement so as not to embarrass yourself during delivery; demand that the doctor to check on dilation when you feel very heavy and like a giant bowel movement happening. I would tell them my previous records of delivery history; how I reacted to certain methods; etc. You can recall the delivery accounts you have read in books and blogs but realise that yours could be unique.
7. Pray for an uneventful delivery. Baby arrival and wedding are totally opposite events. You do not want too much events in baby delivery. Ask the Lord for a song to sing through in your mind and heart so that you are captivated and loose focus on your temporal pain. I had this song imprinted in my heart for the delivery of one of my child, to this date, I am still puzzled why this song, but it brought me into a deeper trust in God to be there for me and uphold me.
8. The right breathing method and the right mental frame of mind can make a huge difference as they can trick your body to think that the labour pain threshold can be overcome. This comes with practices and lots of reading up before hand about what is actually happening to your body in the final hours before delivery. It feels like an epic constipation and you just need to overcome it as it comes. Know the cycle of pain and that as you reach the peak of each cycle, you will be granted a short few minutes of deep-rest, kind of worn-out sleep, even though just for a minute, that is precious. 
9. Tell the father-to-be what you expect of him, engage him as much as possible. When you expect less, everything he does becomes a bonus. They are really clueless what is happening most of  the time. You said you are in pain, he is like OK, stomach cramp. He has no idea how painful that means. So be practical of your expectation.
10. In between First Stage Labour and final delivery time zone, there is this awkward hours or minutes that you really need to be "alone", just both of you with your midwife, because you are not yet in delivery stage but very close to it, that time zone, you should not have any visitor, unless it is someone you want to have. I would say mum or best friend is OK to have, all other especially the male species, is No No. If you suddenly feel seriously uncomfortable, just hint to your husband to ask them to wait outside or leave.

So, here are my best ten tips to share with you. I am not sure if they are all helpful but from the four pregnancies, these are the things that stood out to be important at that final hours
of delivery. Prepare your mind for it, picture the scene, do not loose heart, do not be afraid for you are an over comer !

Attitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Charles R. Swindoll quotes (American Writer and Clergyman, b.1934)

Similar Quotes. About: Life quotes, Attitude quotes, Influence quotes.

Tous les Jous - The French Authentic Breads and Cakes Shop

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It is a delight to dine here with good bread and cakes with good drinks all day long.